Apple announced its next event, a September 9 infomercial they’re calling Surprise and Shine. Will they surprise us? I don’t know. It’s a phone that folds. I’m excited about it, sure. But whether we’ll be surprised about it is an open question. I will be surprised if, for example, they charge a price I’m willing to pay.

John Ternus and Tim Cook.
John and Tim. Image courtesy of Apple.

This Apple Event will also be the first one where John Ternus is the company’s new CEO.

I have four pieces of advice for him, of varying specificity and importance levels:

  1. Be a better presenter than Tim Cook. There are bigger Tim-related things to complain about — and I do! — but he was never a great presenter, in my view. He took the reins from a world-class showman in Steve Jobs, and then was, at best… fine. We already know Ternus is a better presenter, and he should lean into it. Let that personality shine, John.
  1. Let the other guy do the kowtowing. One of the things Apple said when it announced Tim’s retirement was that Cook would continue “engaging with policymakers around the world.”

My read is that this means that Tim will continue sucking up to Donald Trump. That means Ternus actively should not. Don’t get stained with the stink of that cozying. If Apple feels it needs to award Trump shiny trophies and heap on “Dear Leader”-level praise — well, I initially wrote “so be it,” but I take that back. I think it sucks, and what’s the point of being one of the world’s most valuable companies if you can’t withstand a little government pressure, but that’s not my point.

My point is if that is Apple’s decision, let it be Tim. John should remain above the fray, away from the asshole in chief, untainted by the taint that’s staining the United States on the daily.

  1. Be actively, loudly, noisily good. This is a corollary to number two. I’ve complained repeatedly on The Rebound that if Tim truly feels he must suck up in these ways, the least he could do is make some big public good actions. Donate to Trans Lifeline. Praise Apple’s DEI efforts, loudly. Do SOMETHING.
  1. Follow one of Steve’s best bits of advice. Cook said that Jobs told him: “Never ask what I would do, just do the right thing.” Ternus can’t try to play WWTD or WWSD. He’s gotta do what John would do.

I’m choosing to be optimistic about how that’ll play out. I mean, especially if John plans to listen to me.